Christian Parenting, Free Course Lesson 004
SOURCES OF HUMAN CHARACTER
(a ) Genetic transfer during which is given to a person a during the time of fertilization and that gives a person the temperament.
(b ) Oedipus complex. This refers to the treatment of the father to his son. When the child spends much of his/her time with the guardian, she/he develops the character of the guardian.
(c ) Personal choices in life.
(d ) The influence of society e.g. peer pressure from the villagers, working place, political parties where someone belongs.
(e ) Political ideologies or propaganda.
AUTHORITIES TO BE OBEYED
Obedience is a strong word. It was taken from the military arena. It means to do what you are commanded without question.
(a ) God.
(b ) Parents. One of the first things to teach a child is for him to trust the parents that they are the ones who know how something in the best way. Once the children trust their parents as the best in doing things it becomes easy for them to accept choices made by their parents for them.
(c ) Government authorities.
(d ) School authorities.
(e ) Tribal authorities.
(f ) Society organization authorities.
(g ) The above authorities are obeyed by keeping the rules which they have established. Rules give limits of the behavior which is called obedience. Obedience is the willingness by a child and the practice to live within the limits that have been established by the authorities.
(h ) The authorities have set up punishments to discipline offenders.
CATEGORIZING PARENTING STYLES
The first categorizing of parenting styles happened in 1964. Children adopt their behavior which has been developed by their parents. There are four types of parenting styles which have been categorized so far.
The authoritative parent. This type of parent has restrictions on love. They set limits for their children. They balance between being tough and tender for their children. They have time to discuss and make rules with their children. They have many ways of administering the punishment to get best results of parenting. They have time to discuss with their children what happens in their life. The Bible is used as the curriculum for teaching to the children. God says, “This book of the law shall not depart out of your mouth, but you shall meditate on it day and night, that you may be careful to do according to all that is written in it; for then you shall make your way prosperous, and then you shall have good success”( Josh. 1:8).
Discipline is painful to the culprit when it is being administered. It is redemptive discipline and it should be carried. A child who is not disciplined goes astray. Children respect parents who discipline them. As a school chaplain, I have learned that there are times when students complained that some teachers did not discipline them. They went to an extent of requesting the teachers to discipline them.
The permissive parent who is loves the child. King David is a good example of the permissive parent (1 Kings 1:6). Such parents do not have rules for their children. Children are given too much freedom to certain extent that they do not know what is expected for them to do as children and when they grow up. Children are given too much freedom which in many ways it becomes impossible for them to handle. Parents in this parenting style man go to an extent that they do not rebuke their children of any evil behavior they can show and do. This makes children to make their own rules that govern them. Such rules made by someone who does not have experience in life may usually not able to help the child to grow to a responsible child.
The authoritarian parent that is hostile and also restrictive. Such parents are cruel and abusive to their own children. Such parents demand the unquestioned obedience from their children. The father becomes the sole decision maker of what is expected to be done by the child. They depend on the external controls to control the behavior of their children. They speak to their children in a harsh way. They threaten their children that they will punish their children if they do not do what they expect them to do.
Autocratic parent provoke their children which is forbidden in the Bible. The Bible tells us to train our children in Lord (Eph. 6:4). Such a practice abuses the authority which as a parent was given by God.
The autocratic parent may go to an extent of not having time to chat and talk to the children. There is no attempt to ask and understand what is going into the lives of children. The only time autocratic parents talk to their children is when they rebuke them or ask something which they have messed up or have not done. This is not a good practice to be done by god fearing parents. Entering into the life of children helps children to ask for advice to parents of how they can deal with some problems they meet in life. Parents will be able to advise their children in a better way. If they are harsh and children fear to talk to them they will go ask for advice to some people who may end up confusing or misleading them.
The negligent parent. This is a parent who is hostile and permissive. This parent does not clear rules which should be followed by the child. He/she does follow up to check the behavior of the child. God has given parents to train their children of the right and wrong things. Parents should respond to their children of how they could handle their life challenges.
The Bible commands parents to teach their children when they are at home, when they walk with them on the way, when they wake up from sleep and when they go to sleep. Parents should use charts which should be nailed at the doorposts, inside the house to help children capture some biblical lessons which should not be forgotten by them (Duet. 11:19-20).
The common mistake is that many parents use one of the above methods to the negligent of the other styles. Some parents go to an extreme use of a method they use in parenting. No style from the above is the best to be used own its own. All of them should be used interchangeably.